Dr. Celiwe Ndaba, a young South African doctor, has catalyzed a significant national dialogue surrounding a form of domestic abuse that often remains unspoken: financial abuse. In a series of impactful videos that have gone viral, Dr. Ndaba revealed her experiences with financial exploitation within her marriage, ultimately leading to their separation.
In her candid vlogs, typically filmed from her car during her commute, the mother of three discussed how, despite her professional success, she found herself trapped in a toxic relationship. For years, she felt manipulated into financing her husband’s lifestyle, particularly his aspiration to own a Mercedes Benz. Taking out loans for such vehicles became, as she stated, the “worst decision” of her life, imposing immense financial strain on her family.
Efforts to encourage her husband to downgrade his vehicle were met with resistance; he accused her of attempting to “turn him into a laughing stock by making him drive a small car.” Dr. Ndaba has since reclaimed her maiden name and witnessed a surge in her social media following, as her story resonates with many.
“You are brave to speak out so publicly… I have been suffering in silence,” one supportive comment read, reflecting the solidarity among women sharing similar experiences.
Raising awareness of financial abuse
Dr. Ndaba’s revelations have prompted discussions about the misconception that financial abuse only affects “uneducated” or “less fortunate” individuals. Her estranged husband, Temitope Dada, has not commented on the allegations but has created a TikTok account where he has dismissed the accusations as lies. He referred to himself in one video as “Mr. Benz or nothing,” invoking the very identity that sparked controversy.
Legal expert Bertus Preller, based in Cape Town, emphasizes that financial abuse is a subtle yet powerful tactic of domestic violence aimed at maintaining control over victims. This form of abuse is legally recognized in South Africa as economic abuse under the Domestic Violence Act, which encompasses actions such as unjustly withholding money for essential needs or interfering with shared financial assets.
Shared experiences and cultural challenges
The conversation has opened floodgates for women to share their own narratives. A university lecturer, who chose to remain anonymous, recounted how her husband’s deceit about his qualifications led her into financial turmoil. She described a harrowing experience that began with him using her car without refueling it, escalating to her taking out loans for his unsuccessful business ventures, and ultimately facing eviction when he stopped contributing financially.
“He’s very smart… I was in love with his smartness, his big dreams. But he couldn’t follow them up with actions. His pride was his downfall,” she lamented.
Research from the University of South Africa indicates that women who earn more than their partners face a heightened risk of intimate partner violence. The findings revealed that many of these women chose to remain single after experiencing physical, emotional, and sexual violence, as they believe their roles as primary earners threaten traditional male authority.
Sociologist Nombulelo Shange highlights the double patriarchal pressures faced by Black women in South Africa, who struggle to balance professional success with traditional expectations at home. She points out that these cultural dynamics often lead to financial exploitation, as some partners may feel entitled to control finances despite not contributing equally.
Dr. Ndaba’s call for awareness encourages women to engage in open conversations about financial matters with potential partners, emphasizing that financial stability is a crucial aspect of healthy relationships. Legal experts recommend practical measures, such as maintaining separate bank accounts and monitoring credit card usage, to protect oneself from financial abuse.
Collectively, these discussions illuminate the urgent need for societal change, underscoring that love should not carry an unsustainable financial burden.